Best Divorce Letter !!

Dear wife: 
 
 
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
 leaving you forever. 
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have
nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

 
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today
 & that was the last straw. 
 
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had
 a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore
 a brand new pair of silk boxers. 
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after
 watching all of your soaps. 
 
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't
 want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
 
Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me
 anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

 
 
Your, EX-Husband 
 
 
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
 moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
 
 
 
===================================== 
 
 
Dear Ex-Husband: 
 
 
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
 
 
 
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years,
 although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
 
 
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
 constant whining & griping. Too bad, that doesn't
 work. 

 I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st
 thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a
 girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
 you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And
 when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
 confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7
 years ago. 
 
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because
the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it
was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from
me that morning. 
 
 
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars,
I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when
I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I
guess. 
 
 
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't
get a penny from me. 
 
 
So take care. 
 
 
Signed, 
 
 
Your, Ex-Wife, 
Rich As Hell & Free! 
 
 
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem!!!